Author Archives: Jarryd

Mad Love – A Course for Couples

Mad Love – A Course for Couples:

Two people sharing an intimate relationship have the opportunity to grow as individuals.  When this happens, a mutual dedication of showing up as an adult within the relationship can take place.  Recognizing relationship patterns and the phases of relationships helps us overcome the typical fears that can arise.  Learning to express emotions responsibly allows us to maintain boundaries and deepens our understanding.

Class One:  Relationship Patterns, Faulty Thinking and The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse (Gottman)

Class Two:  Emotions and How They Operate.

Class Three:  Communication: Listening, Speaking and Taking Turns

Class Four:  Learning how to express yourself safely and effectively

Class Five:  How to Solve Disagreements and Family Decision Making

When: Thursday Evenings, November 5th to December 3rd.  7:00pm to 9:00pm.

Cost: $250 per couple without coverage.  $320 Per Couple with Coverage.  Extended Health Care Providers who pay for a registered psychologist may pay your course fee.

Where:  LIFE Seminars, #217 – 2186 Oak Bay Avenue.

To Register:  Call 250-595-2649


Please select payment option:




The Effective Leader – How You Speak is How You Exist:

The Effective Leader – How You Speak is How You Exist: Thursday Evenings, 6:30pm to 8:30pm October 3rd to October 29th, 2015

Learn the tools of safe and effective communicators and develop tools for resolving conflict. Identify challenging behaviours in your groups and learn how to manage them.   Empower your staff, students or clients by learning to ask powerful questions and call people into action?

How do people change? What lights that spark that gets people to line up with their highest self?

This workshop is designed for professionals who work. Course Outline:

Week One: Emotions and the Power of Listening

Week Two: Clean Non-threatening Ways to Speak

Week Three: How you Speak is How You Exist (What are you saying?)

Week Four:   Resolving Conflict and Identifying What’s Important

Week Five:   Empower Your Client by Asking the Right Question

Week Six:     Creating a Safe Atmosphere for Group Work

Where: Body Blueprint Studio

Pricing: TBA

Approved with BCRPA for 16 CECs.

Please note, there are no refunds after March 16, 2015.

Call Body Blueprint to register;  250-744-5633

 

 

 

Me and My Boyfriend

I’m in my fifties and I’m part of the first generation of parents whose children possibly knew more than we did about technology. Ten years ago, I didn’t believe my daughter when she told me she absolutely had to have MSN. I also didn’t know what it meant. What a difference a decade makes. Now I have an iPhone that takes my heart rate, provides hypnosis when I can’t sleep and among other things, it tells me when I make a wrong turn in my car. My 90 year old mother recently asked me if I was talking on my phone and I replied that I was actually talking to my phone. So Syri has become my new best friend. I count on my phone so much that I call it my boyfriend. So if you hear me say, “I’ll check with my boyfriend, I’m not having an affair, honest.” The truth is, I would rather have my car stolen than lose my phone.

In the last few years, technology has changed so much that I’m not sure where the boundaries are anymore. It amazes me to see how many people are on their phone walking down the street, standing at bus stops (perhaps because their phone is telling them when the next bus is coming) and even when they are having lunch with a friend. Actually, it amazes me when people aren’t on their phones. I especially worry about seeing this when parents are spending time with their kids! Is it interfering with their ability to be present at those times that can be so very special? Is our fixation with these amazing devices giving a message to our kids that they come second? Furthermore I can’t even imagine how to define boundaries around our kid’s use of technology.

Not only can these devices make dinner suggestions, they also make great babysitters.

Recently I was shopping in a mall and went by Mac Makeup. While sitting in a tandem stroller, a two year old was playing on and iPad, behind him his older sister about four, was playing on a smart phone. Mom was getting her make-up done. Thirty minutes later I walked by that same place and nothing had changed. Kids were still staring intensely at their devices and mom was still getting a makeover. I think I would have been tempted to do the same thing when my kids were young. I definitely would have been seduced into using the baby app that stops two month olds from crying as they stare at white moving shapes on a black background. I’d probably downplay concerns about how this might be affecting my child’s new, developing brain.

I try to imagine how I would find balance if I had my boyfriend ten years ago. I’d have to give up my Facebook Scrabble addiction because that is an ongoing pull. If I didn’t, I’d be taking a lot of trips to the smallest room of my house to make my next move. Surely I would make a commitment not to take my smart phone with me when I go to the park or go for walks, but then again, what if there is an emergency? Like, someone posting on Facebook to say that they just had a blueberry muffin straight from the oven. Come to think of it, what if I want to take a picture or a video of the kids and send it on Instagram right away to my mother and my 256 friends.

I think the dinner table is where I would draw the line. No phones at the table! I have to show some discipline with that sexy little friend of mine. Syri-ously. Where are we going with all of this? Oh, we actually don’t know. So what do we know? We know we need to unplug and connect with each other. We know that nature provides us with an ability to get grounded. We know that having nothing to do as kids made us very creative. We also know that nothing could be more important than face time with the people we love, screen free.

To Discipline or Disciple? – Cut it Out!

What is discipline?  One definition is to obtain obedience by using punishment and reward?  If you think that word still fits, you might want to, Cut it Out!  It might be time for a new word or at least a new twist to that word. Another view of discipline is to teach in such a way that encourages self-discipline. In that case the word needs to change to disciple.  To disciple somebody means that we mentor them by modeling respect, self-discipline and maturity: they become our disciple when they want to emulate us.  This requires awareness of our emotional states and the impact they have on our children.  Healthy mentorship also means we have clarity around our own personal boundaries and the boundaries of others.  To disciple also means recognizing that along with how we behave we must be accountable for how we communicate. Dicipline or Deciple

Words are powerful and we can easily harm our kid’s self-esteem by labeling them, making assumptions or putting them down.  Or even when we praise them for doing something we want rather than encouraging them to develop internal values and goals.   When this happens, our kids lose touch with the ability to learn what we might actually be trying to teach them and more importantly, are derailed from the natural course of development of conscience and responsibility. Likewise, when we don’t actively listen to our children we are role modeling what not to do!  If your kids don’t listen to you start by showing them what listening actually looks like.

Effective communication is not about a set of skills and something that you “do”.  It is a way of “being” and having an awareness of boundaries.  What issue belongs to who?  Do I really have to fix this person’s feelings?  Are they responsible for how I feel and do I blame them?  Do I allow myself to project my own fearful thoughts onto them?  When we can get clear with the deeper part of communication then the skills come to us easily.    Allow yourself to have well intentioned, messy communication.  If the skill takes over, we lose our connection because we are in our head.

So keep learning and growing yourself.  Somebody needs to disciple our children!