Accidents

My son is 5 (soon to be 6) and has been having accidents at school. He wets his pants, not just a little, but a lot, and he is embarrassed about it. I’ve talked to his teacher, and we are trying to work together to help him. He does not have accidents at home. When I ask him why this is happening at school, his answers are always different. The latest reason he gave is, "I am afraid the urinals will overflow." He doesn’t seem to take the situation seriously. I’ve tried talking to him, and the teacher has shown him that the toilets will not overflow. Currently, I’m trying to reward him when he doesn’t have an accident, but I am extremely concerned and unsure about what to do. It is becoming a big problem.

Possible Reasons for Accidents

There are a couple of possibilities to consider here:

1. Fear of the Urinals: Your son might genuinely be afraid of the urinals. He isn't used to them at home, and if they are self-flushing, they can make a frightening noise that he can't control. Even adults can feel startled by self-flushing toilets, fearing they might flush unexpectedly and splash.
   • What Can Help: If this is the case, it could help if an older brother, father, or male teacher accompanies him a couple of times and demonstrates how to use the urinals. They can stand with him, watch the urinals flush, and show him exactly how much water comes out and how high it goes. This might alleviate his fear by familiarizing him with the process.
   • If this approach doesn’t work, let him know that it's okay to use a cubicle (a stall) even if he only needs to pee. Assure him that no one will know what he is doing in there, and it is perfectly fine.
2. Distraction or Lack of Awareness: It’s also possible that your son doesn't actually know the real reason for his accidents and is coming up with different explanations. The most common reason children his age have accidents is because they are concentrating on something else and don’t notice what's happening with their bladder. School is still a new environment for your son, and the activities might be capturing so much of his attention that he doesn't tune into his body signals.
   • What Can Help: To address this, try training him to "notice his bladder" at regular intervals — for example, every 15 minutes — and check if he needs to pee. If he can get into the habit of regularly checking in with his body, he may learn to recognize the need to use the toilet in time.

Additional Insights from a Reader

One reader shared this experience:

"I just read your advice to a reader whose 6-year-old son was having trouble with wetting his pants. My son had terrible (daily) trouble with this until I took him to a very wise pediatrician when he was 8. The pediatrician suggested stopping the use of bubble bath. Since my son is uncircumcised, the bubble bath was causing a minor infection that desensitized his penis. (I am not sure if this problem would occur in a circumcised child.) This caused him not to be able to tell when he was starting to have an accident. We stopped using bubble bath, and in four years we have had almost no accidents."

Conclusion

If your son’s accidents persist and the above suggestions don’t help, it may be worth consulting with your pediatrician to rule out any possible medical issues, such as infections or sensitivities. Remember to approach the situation with understanding and patience, as this can help your son feel supported rather than ashamed.