Dangerous Thoughts

Would you discuss age-appropriate independence in this post-Michael Dunahee era? I'm particularly interested in younger kids heading off to the playground or older ones taking buses or going to the mall, etc., either alone or with a group of peers. (Note : Michael Dunahee was a four-year-old boy who was abducted from a school playground in Victoria in 1991.)

Right now our entire society is suffering from some degree of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). We hear so much about the awful things that happen in the world that we have all become victims, thanks to TV, radio, and other media.

Not only are we exposed to actual frightening events that happen anywhere in the world, which could potentially happen here, but we are also exposed to invented, scary events in movies and TV shows. The media often depict violence, making it seem as though a good movie requires a lot of bodies strewn around.

Numbing and Intrusive Symptoms of PTSD

PTSD produces two effects: numbing symptoms and intrusive symptoms. Numbing symptoms include becoming out of touch with our emotional reactions to actual trauma and accepting things we shouldn't, simply because we are used to them.

If a person lives in a war zone, it's adaptive not to react emotionally to frightening events for survival. But this emotional detachment can prevent us from recognizing dangers that could be prevented.

Many of us are so used to violence in the media that it no longer shocks us. It takes increasingly violent depictions to provoke any emotional response, leading to more violence in media.

The Impact of Media on Society

It's not enough to put a V-chip on our television sets. We need to change society so that both children and adults no longer passively accept violence as a normal part of life.

We should fight against both fictional violence and the unbalanced depictions of scary events in the news. Intrusive symptoms of PTSD, such as nightmares and emotional overreactions, can occur from both real and fictional traumatic events.

Personal Examples of Media-Induced Fears

For example, as a child, I watched a movie about civilization being destroyed by tidal waves. For years, I dreamt of tidal waves and feared them at the beach.

My son struggled with sleep after watching "Nightmare on Elm Street." Yet, as my daughter grew older, she was unaffected by violent movies but frightened by a documentary on nuclear war.

Media's Distorted Reality

The media give us an exaggerated idea of how many terrible things happen. Many of us believe that the outdoors is filled with child abductors and sexual predators, but this is far from the truth.

The reality is that child abductions by strangers are incredibly rare. Most child abductions are by non-custodial parents, and many children are eventually returned.

Real Dangers and Misconceptions

Sexual assault and murder of children by strangers are also very rare. Most abusers are people known to the child, such as stepfathers, uncles, babysitters, and daycare providers.

Your child is at much greater risk attending a daycare you don't know well than playing outside. The media needs to present a more balanced picture of the real risks.

Balancing Fear with Reality

For example, while plane crashes receive extensive publicity, you're much more likely to have an accident driving a car. We tend to fear things that are sensationalized by the media, rather than the real risks.

Many adult survivors of childhood trauma fear for their children. But the reality is that the dangers today aren't worse than they were in their parents' generation.

Outdoor Play and Childhood Independence

I have fond memories of playing outside with friends all day as a child, without parents worrying about where we were. I rode the bus alone at seven, walked to school, and had a paper route at thirteen, even in challenging areas.

Nothing bad ever happened to me, and what did I gain? Imaginative play with friends, a love for nature, independence, and a sense of pride in my ability to take care of myself.

Encouraging Children to Play Outdoors

Some might say it's safer to drive kids to school, have them play indoors, and avoid malls. But I don't agree.

Children need imaginative play, peer relationships without adult supervision, and adventure. The best place for this is outside.

Children also need to feel they can take care of themselves. Constantly telling them the world is too dangerous does them a disservice and distorts their perception of reality.

Protecting Children with Skills, Not Fear

Yes, there are sexual predators, but children can keep themselves safe if they are taught the necessary skills. Pedophiles usually target lonely, insecure children, not those who are assertive and capable.

Children should stay in groups, avoid going with strangers, and be cautious of overly friendly adults. They should also know to make noise, fight back, or run if approached by someone suspicious.

Age Guidelines for Outdoor Play

At about six or seven, children can play outside with a group close to home, provided they let their parents know where they are. By eight or nine, they can manage taking the bus alone.

Around eleven, they can travel further with a group. No one should walk alone after dark in unsafe areas unless they are capable of self-defense.

Staying in groups and always sharing what happened with a parent afterward is key to keeping children safe.

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