I'm Sick of Hearing Myself Yelling

I've come to the stage in my life where I'm beating myself up, thinking I'm an awful mother because all I do is yell, yell, yell.

I'm so sick of hearing my own voice, and I'm sure my son is too.

However, whether my voice is low or raised, my son never seems to listen to a thing I have to say or ask of him.

The Constant Battle for Attention

He's a good kid, but he is constantly ignoring me.

He pushes me to my limits, and it seems that nothing I do can make him happy.

Understanding the Root of the Issue

Your son has learned to tune you out.

This happens because you give a lot of directions but don't follow through with consequences.

You need to reduce the number of areas in which you tell him what to do, and set consequences in the areas that remain.

Distinguishing Between 'Kid Problems' and 'Family Problems'

Learn to distinguish between what are "kid problems" and what are "family problems."

"Kid problems" are things like remembering to do his homework, clean his room, put his laundry in the hamper, take his lunch to school, and wear his coat when it's raining.

If your son doesn't do these things, there will be natural consequences for him, which don't affect the rest of the family.

Letting Natural Consequences Shape Behavior

Stop nagging about these things and let nature take its course.

A few hungry lunch hours, poor marks, cold walks, and bad grades will shape your son up just fine.

When It’s a Family Problem

Save your instructions for areas where his behavior really affects other family members.

For example, toys left in the living room where they're in everyone's way.

For these things, you need to have limits and consequences.

Setting Limits with Consequences

Remind your son once, then put the toys in the "Saturday box," where they will not be returned until Saturday.

Another example is physical aggression with other children.

Kids who behave aggressively can be told what they could have done instead, then separated for a while.

No yelling, no reminding—just action to keep them apart until they can learn to play respectfully.

Negotiating Chores

Chores should be negotiated with your son.

There should be an agreed-upon time by which they should be done.

You're not allowed to remind him until this time is up.

Following Through Without Interruptions

If the time is up and the chores aren't done, you can switch off his TV or video game and require him to do the chore then.

Otherwise, don't interrupt his activities to ask him to do something for you.

He has the right to choose his own activities just like you do and not be interrupted in the middle of them.

Making Clear Requests and Setting Consequences

Once you've decided what areas to let go of ("kid problems") and what to follow through with ("family problems"), plan your consequences for the family problems.

Make your requests clearly without yelling, and include the consequences.

Teaching Him That You Mean What You Say

When he doesn't cooperate, follow through with the consequences every time.

He will learn that you mean what you say.

Conclusion

Parenting can feel overwhelming, especially when it seems like all you do is yell and nothing changes.

However, by setting clear boundaries, distinguishing between "kid problems" and "family problems," and following through with consequences, you can create a calmer, more effective way to communicate with your child.

Over time, your son will learn to listen and respect the limits you've set, without the need for constant reminders or yelling.

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