Mealtime Blues

Navigating Mealtime Challenges with Young Children

In my travels, I come across many parents who struggle with their young and mid-year children around mealtime. Mealtime often becomes one of the most stressful times of the day. Many outdated beliefs contribute to these challenges, leading to unnecessary power struggles between parents and children.

Common Beliefs That Lead to Mealtime Battles:

• Children should be able to sit still at the table before the age of 7.
• Children must be taught good manners.
• Children should eat when we tell them to.
• They must finish their food.
• Dessert is a reward for eating.
• Children can't think for themselves about their own hunger or fullness.

How Much is Enough?

Nursing babies aren’t told how much to eat or forced to continue nursing when they've had enough—they instinctively know what their bodies need. But once children start eating solids, parents often assume they need to control the quantity. I’ve seen parents chase their kids with two-hour-old hot dogs, pleading for "just one more bite."

Here’s the reality: eating small amounts more often is healthier. Don’t make a big issue about how much they eat! Serve small portions, and trust that children will choose a healthy balance when they aren't forced. Your job is to provide the food; their responsibility is to eat it. They won't starve themselves.

How Long Should Children Sit?

The length of time a child can sit depends on their age and activity level:

• Under Age 3: Children this young often can't sit for more than a couple of minutes. Be prepared to eat separately or at different times.
• As They Get Older: Gradually, they will learn to sit for longer periods. They’re more likely to do so if they help prepare the meal or set the table. If mealtime becomes a pleasant experience, they will naturally want to join you.
• With Older Children: You can insist that conversations at the table remain respectful—no talking about unpleasant things or fighting. If they disrespect these boundaries, they can take their food elsewhere. It's okay to have an area where you can eat peacefully if needed. Protecting your needs is important.

Addressing Food Fads

During the toddler years, children’s appetites may drop along with their growth rate. Parents often worry when their children eat less. Most kids go through phases where they only want to eat one thing. This is normal and will pass—don't make a big deal about it.

Understanding Sensitivities & Allergies

Food sensitivities and allergies are essential to consider. The best way to identify them is by removing suspect foods and then gradually reintroducing them into your child's diet. Food allergies can affect your child's behavior; kids may dislike foods they’re allergic to or, in cases of “addictive allergies,” crave them.

Encouraging Creative Meals

Variety is the spice of life! A bit of creativity can help introduce new foods to your children. For example, try having picnics indoors on a tablecloth in the living room. Serve small amounts of various foods to keep mealtime interesting and introduce new tastes.

Tips for Making Mealtime Easier

• If your child isn’t hungry after a few bites, save their dinner in the fridge for later.
• Let children help choose the dinner menu.
• Make food attractive and serve small amounts to reduce stress over wasted food.
• Allow the child to serve themselves.
• Avoid commenting on how much they eat—keep your eyes off their plates!
• Teach children about nutrition so they can make informed decisions.
• Avoid rewarding a child for eating or punishing them for not eating.
• Never use food (including dessert) as a reward or punishment.
• If they don’t like the food, offer a simple alternative, like a sandwich, or let them prepare it themselves.
• Encourage them to clear their plate and put it in the dishwasher, so you don't feel compelled to judge their consumption.
• Involve them in cooking early on; they’ll be more likely to eat something they’ve helped make.

Encourage Self-Help and Independence

• Keep a container of freshly chopped veggies and fruits in the fridge for easy access between meals.
• Store plastic glasses in a bottom drawer and provide an easy-to-pour container in the fridge.
• Teach them how to cook and allow them to prepare meals for the family, increasing their skills as they grow older. (Be ready for some experimental dishes!)
• If they are fixated on one food, set a limit (e.g., three times a week) and let them plan the weekly menu. (You might end up having noodles for breakfast!)
• Allow them to listen to their bodies and trust their inner voice, especially regarding their hunger and fullness cues.

Final Thoughts

Respect your child’s natural instincts about hunger and fullness. Encourage independence in making food choices and help them feel confident and trusted around food. With patience and a relaxed approach, mealtimes can become a joyful and stress-free experience for the whole family.