Now We Are Six

My six-year-old son gives up so easily. He is afraid to try new things, and when he does, he quickly becomes angry and gives up. How can I help him focus and get over the hump?

Understanding Your Six-Year-Old's World

At six years old, your son is facing major challenges in his life, with the biggest one being school — six hours a day! In school, he has to:

• Deal with new adult authorities,
• Learn new information in various subjects,
• Pay attention for long periods,
• Sit still,
• Relate to many new children, and
• Find his place in the social hierarchy.

He is already navigating so many new experiences and expectations; he may not need any more challenges added to his plate right now.

Recognizing the Impact of Change

People can only assimilate so much change at a time. When we are overwhelmed with too many changes, we become stressed. Your son is likely feeling insecure about his abilities, which is common for many children as they begin school. Children constantly compare themselves to others, noticing who is bigger, stronger, learns faster, or is more athletic. Kids can be quite harsh with one another at this age, and many start to feel they aren't capable or likable, either because of things other kids have said or through their own self-comparison.

Addressing Emotional Blocks

The block to your son's willingness to try new things is likely emotional. If you push him to "focus and get over the hump," the problem may only worsen. What he really needs is your understanding and support.

Here are some steps you can take:

1. Gently Inquire: Ask him what's wrong or how things are going. Approach the conversation with genuine curiosity and care.
2. Listen and Empathize: When he shares his feelings, listen without judgment. Don't dismiss his feelings or tell him how he should feel. Let him know that his feelings are valid.
3. Encourage and Support: Encourage him by expressing your belief in his abilities. Let him know that it's okay to feel unsure or overwhelmed. Help him figure out what to do next by offering gentle guidance.

When your son has mastered the current challenges in his life, he will naturally be ready to take on new ones.

A Poem for Encouragement

Perhaps you could share with him A.A. Milne's delightful poem from the book Now We Are Six:

"When I was one, I was just begun.
When I was two, I was nearly new.
When I was three, I was hardly me.
When I was four, I was not much more.
When I was five, I was just alive.
But now that I'm six, I'm as clever as clever.
I think I'll stay six now for ever and ever."