Potty Problems

My son is four and has had no desire to potty train. He has faced some stresses in his life: I left his dad about a year ago, and we live in different parts of the county, losing contact, so my son doesn't even receive birthday cards from his father. My son is willing to pee in the potty but not poop. He also doesn't have any dry nights. I have been cutting off his drinking at 7:00, an hour before bed, and I put him on the potty before bedtime. His doctor is concerned and suggested giving it six months before evaluating further. I don't know what to do. Please help.

Understanding Nighttime Wetting

You wouldn't believe how common it is for children, especially little boys, to struggle with staying dry at night at this age. The stresses in your son's life are unlikely to be the cause. The most common reasons for nighttime bedwetting are small bladder size and deep sleep, which prevents a child from waking up when their bladder is full.

Here are a few tips to help manage this:

• Don’t Make It a Big Deal: It is basically normal for many kids to wet their beds at night. Allow your son to wear diapers or training pants at night for a few more years. Trying to train him at night too early can lead to discouragement for both of you.
• Consider a Wet-Alarm for Older Children: If he reaches age 8 and still wets the bed, consider buying or renting a wet-alarm. These devices have electrodes attached to a piece of cloth that goes inside the child's pajamas. When the first drop of urine touches the cloth, an alarm goes off, waking the child up. The shock of the alarm sound makes the child stop urinating, and he can then go to the bathroom. Many children learn to wake up before the urine reaches the cloth within just a few days. One of my sons had this issue and was cured in under a week using a wet-alarm.

Addressing the Pooping Issue

The unwillingness to poop in the potty is a different challenge. Here’s how you can approach it:

1. Transition to Training Pants: Begin by not allowing your son to wear diapers during the day. Instead, use "training pants" that will not be as comfortable if he poops in them. Tell him he's a big boy and can learn to use the potty.
2. Stay Calm and Consistent: If he has an accident, don't make a big deal of it. Just go through the usual process of washing and changing his pants.
3. Observe for Regular Patterns: The issue may be that he can't produce poop on demand; it usually happens at a specific time of day, often about half an hour after a meal. Observe your son's pattern for a few days to find out when he typically poops.
4. Encourage Potty Use at Regular Times: If there is a regular time when he poops, put him on the potty just before that time. Stay with him and read stories until he produces something in the potty, and then praise him for doing so. Continue this pattern, only putting him on the potty when you are fairly sure he will need to go.
5. Be Attentive to Signals: If there isn't a regular time, pay attention to any signals or sounds he makes that indicate he needs to poop. When you notice these signs, get the potty out immediately, encourage him to sit on it, and read a story. Praise him when he produces something in the potty and celebrate by letting him empty it into the toilet.
6. Promote Independence: Let him know that he doesn’t have to wait for you to put him on the potty. With training pants, he can go by himself whenever he needs to.

Encouragement and Patience

With careful observation and patience, your son will soon be trained. Remember to praise him and reinforce his successes, making him feel proud and confident in his abilities.