Time To Yourself?
A parent is concerned that their nearly two-year-old daughter, who plays independently when watched, becomes clingy when the parent engages in personal activities like cooking or reading.
My little girl is almost two. She can play happily on her own for ages if I'm watching her. But when I try to make dinner, read, or do something for myself, she comes over to cuddle with me. She doesn't seem to want me doing anything for myself. Is this perfectly normal for her stage? Will she grow out of it?
Understanding Your Child's Need for Attention
Yes, it's completely normal. Psychologists are now learning that a secure attachment between a mother (or father) and child is the foundation for ongoing mental and emotional health. If this attachment is not secure, it can lead to various problems later in life. An emotionally healthy child at this age is still very attached to her mother. The mother acts as a safe base from which she can venture out into the world, explore new things, and return to her base from time to time. As she becomes more secure in the world, she will gradually need to return to this base less often.
When you're watching your child play, she knows you are emotionally present with her. However, when you take your attention away, she feels a little anxious and comes to regain your attention. It isn't that she doesn't want you doing anything for yourself; it's just that she notices your withdrawal, which makes her feel insecure.
Dealing with Your Child's Demands for Attention
For you, of course, this can be frustrating. You want some privacy, some time to yourself, and a chance to get things done without slowing down for a child. You probably crave some adult conversation. Rest assured, this will come as she grows older. She will only be this little once, so enjoy the time with her while you can.
Instead of trying to leave her playing while you cook or do housework, find ways for her to "help" you — like stirring a bowl or dusting a shelf. This will build an enjoyment of chores that can be beneficial when she is older.
Making Time for Yourself
If your daughter still takes at least one nap a day, make this your golden time to read, talk on the phone, or do something that requires concentration. If you build your schedule around her sleeping times, you will feel less frustrated.
When my oldest child was an infant, I was working on my doctoral dissertation. The minute she went to sleep each day, I began writing furiously, not stopping until she woke up. I synchronized my rhythm with hers, allowing me to get my writing done and still enjoy my time with my baby. Looking back, I am amazed at the level of self-discipline I developed!
Introducing New Forms of Stimulation
There’s also the possibility that your daughter is beginning to feel bored and needs more than just your company to entertain her. She may need more stimulation than she’s currently receiving from one adult.
Our society can be quite unnatural for young children, as they are often alone in a house with one adult rather than outside with many people around. When my daughter was around this age, I decided to try her in part-time daycare. To my great delight, she loved it, and so did I! It gave me time to get things done without interruptions and provided her with an opportunity to socialize with other children and explore new things.
Not all children are ready for this at almost two, but some are. You could try it gradually and see how she responds.
